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2.16.2011

Emsam patch

I should have done some research.  I was so excited by the possiblity of trying something new, hopefully The Fix, that I didn't do a price check on the Emsam patch.  $500/3 months supply.  What do I do now?  That's big money for me. 

Is it really possible -- the solution to my psychiatric predicament in a medication I've never tried before?  I remember eighteen years ago.  Right before bed.  About to take my very first anti-depressant.  Prozac.  I just sat there looking at the little green capsule in the palm of my hand, thinking "This is it.  This will fix everything."  I'll never forget that moment.  And here I sit eighteen years later, a day or two maybe before starting the Emsam patch thinking Wow, maybe this is it.  Dumb dumb dumb.  Medications just don't work that way.  At least, they haven't for me.  The best result I've had from a psych med is that things become a little less horrible.  Big freaking deal.   

I'm angry and I feel let down.  I'm tired.  Tired of being tired.  I just don't know what the point of anything is anymore.  Not in a woe-is-me I'm about to jump off a cliff kind of a way.  But really -- what's the point?  Tired.  I just said that.  Really really tired.  I wish I could . . . something.  Sometimes it's just too much, you know?  I just wish that I wasn't.  Or weren't.  I wish that I was nothing at all.  A lifetime is just so very long.

7 comments:

Jen said...

I totally understand. Things have been a dismal for me forever. I often think what is the point if this is the next 40 years! It is winter here and the snow has been sticking around for a long time and it is now black.I do feel a little emboldened by getting help for my binge eating etc finally so that is helping.

Jane Doe said...

I so get it. Every time I start a new med I think, "Will this be the one that gives me my life back (or gives me a life to live in the first place)? Will it ease the depression? Stop the mania? Regulate the mood swings?" You know how it goes.

I really hope that you are able to afford it and that it works for you. Good luck!

Jojesek said...

I know, sick and tired of being sick and tired. I'm so sick of getting up in the morning and being just as tired as when I went to bed. What I wouldn't give to get up feeling refreshed, just one morning!

Sid said...

Most pharmaceutical companies have patient assistance programs if you don't have insurance to cover the medication. I'd check the manufacturer's website.

Also, selegiline, the medication in the EMSAM patch, does come in pill form too. I took the generic of Eldepryl, which is one of the brand names for selegiline and didn't have any problems with that long list of meds & foods to avoid while taking an MAOI. If the cost of EMSAM is too prohibitive, you could ask your doctor about switching to a pill instead since it is available as a much cheaper generic.

That gentleman's lady said...

I've heard that it's apparently unfathomably long......

Mark p.s.2 said...

RE:"I just don't know what the point of anything is anymore."
I don't think there is a point. Look at the other animals on the planet, what are they doing? Living in Heaven , or are we living in Hell?

Jenna said...

Hi,
I was wishing you would post more and hoping to hear how you are doing. I hope you are doing well.
Jenna Xx