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1.19.2011

A change in meds, Again.

I had a good chat with my psychiatrist yesterday.  I think that he understands a little better who I am as a person, and what exactly I struggle with.  I feel less pigeon-holed.  But now he's questioning my bipolar-ness.  AGAIN.  I swear it's psychiatrists that are bipolar.  Make up your mind!

So maybe I'm not bipolar.  Fine with me.  He also suggested that maybe I don't have borderline personality disorder.  He asked "You don't cut yourself when a relationship ends, do you?"  Well no, not anymore.  But that's a pretty limited "understanding" of what BPD is.  It's got me thinking, is this a good doctor or a not-so-good doctor?  Who do I trust?  How many psychiatrists do I have to see in my lifetime before I feel I've got a really good one?  For now I trust him.  Because he's not pleased with where I'm at in life (and neither am I) and is really pushing change.  Previous psychiatrists were fine with the status quo of me being miserable.

Lots of changes to come:  Stop the Abilify.  Stop the Serzone.  Start Trazodone to deal with stopping the Serzone.  In March, after all the weaning from my anti-depressants, start using an MAOI.

I'm scared to go off the Serzone.  If I miss a dose I get these weird acid-trippy hallucinations.  Dr. H. suggested I take some time off work while coming off my meds.  Yeah, like that's an option.  I'm scared that once I'm off all the anti-depressants I'll go into a major depression.  That my panic attacks will come back.  That I'll lose my mind.  But.  I'm excited by the potential for good change. 

8 comments:

Jen said...

I think I am needing a change or something in my meds. I am having far too many down days lately.

Borderline Lil said...

Jeez it makes me mad when doctors pigeonhole Borderline Personality Disorder sufferers. Maybe you're not BPD, but the diagnosis doesn't hinge on selfharm. Good luck with the med change (-:

Morningmoon said...

Within the last couple of months, after a change in diagnosis from Bipolar to Depression, I went off all my medications and changed to one (ONLY one) new one. I was very anxious about losing the seroquel I was on, afraid I would not sleep. Not sleeping being detrimental to my mental health. There were some difficult days (and nights), but it has come out alright and settled into a much simpler regimen. I like to think my liver thanks me. :) Good luck. Hopefully the end result will be encouraging.

Fragment said...

Thanks Morningmoon, that's encouraging to hear. And Jen, I'm sorry to hear you're down. Meds change for everyone!

In the Pink said...

Scary times ahead. I hope all the transitions are as easy as possible.

Addison said...

I hope it all gets worked out. My therapist tells me that I focus too much on a diagnosis because I've been down the bipolar road too. It seems like right when you say "I can stay up for 3 days and feel fine" they slap bipolar on you. I have bpd, though. There are some good books on it. My therapist wont officially diagnose me with it.

Jane Doe said...

I was told I had BPD years ago, but my most recent psychiatrist told me that was wrong and changed my diagnosis to bipolar. I've been told I've had other things then told by someone else that was wrong too, it's hard to keep up. Good luck with the med change. They are always scary to go through, but hopefully this one will help.

shatteredone said...

The med change sounds really scary.
Is there any way at all to get any time off work to deal with the problems that will happen?

*HUGE hugs to you*