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12.27.2010

Happiness is a Serious Problem

My mom gave me this book for Christmas:  Happiness is a Serious Problem: A Human Nature Repair Manual by Dennis Prager.  From the cover:  "This is the repair manual we should have been handed at birth . . . In order to be happy, we first have to battle ourselves.

Well, duh. 

In the past I've had spurts of gung-ho-ness where I jumped into this, that, and the other in an attempt to change my way of thinking and as a result, change my life in the very best way.  Self-help books and tapes.  Therapy.  Meditation.  Prayer.  God.  So yes, I know that I have the power to change my lot in life.  And yes, I'm probably afraid of being happy; I stay in my little dark rut because I'm comfortable here.  And of course, if I gave it the slightest little effort, my life would probably rock. BUT I DON'T WANT TO.  Not now.  I'd rather wallow.  My pity party is not over yet.  I'm still celebrating.   

So there.  I'm not reading the book.  I'm not ready yet.  Bite me world.

(and now I'm afraid of lightening bolts and the earth opening up and swallowing me)

5 comments:

sarah said...

popped by to say hi....

In the Pink said...

Sometimes the dark can be soooo peaceful. Just don't stay to long.

recovering_borderline said...

I just found your blog, I feel so sorry you have to go thru all those disorders :(
I too suffer from BPD and Binge eating disorder so I know how hard it is.
Hang in there, that's all we have left, hope, an noone can take it away from us.
Hugs.

Addison said...

I agree ...sometimes the rut is the place to be for me too. Comfortable, familiar, sadly mine.

Jen said...

I just found your blog through twitter. I am in a rut too luckily blogging about it helps me.