made brownies from scratch, waiting for them to cool, protecting them from the dumbo fly fuzzing around here, will eat one or two or three and then to bed i go for a glorious eight hours. i welcome my crazy dreams now. so many different lives lived in the twitch state of rem. rem and i have always gotten along well. loads of sex dreams. not good sex dreams. no happy fantasy thrill. instead it's manipulation, threat, force. no matter -- i enjoy the change of scenery.

busy work day. not much exciting to say. a few loonies. a few near pee emergencies. i saw nine patients. my evil coworker saw two. breathe in, breathe out, breathe in, breathe out. i will not let this frustrate me. my screensaver at work says "breathe". just in case i forget to. and go postal as a result.

the depression continues. my body drags. my eyelids droop. my brain semi-mush. try to do something, even if it's just a little something, every day to see progress. even if it's just making brownies. or doing the dishes. riding this out. i'll be okay.